Kissing and Sex

[Dick Spit No. 2018-01] I fucking hate having sex with the kind of guys who don’t – or rather won’t – kiss during sex, particularly if those guys have a great pair of lips, nice teeth, a nice smile, and great breath. (I’ve been fortunate in that every male sexual partner of mine had those.) I respect the fact that people have a choice not to kiss during sex but I’ve never understood (what I consider) this illogical frame of thinking. Frankly, I don’t like it and think it’s fucked up. Keep reading as I further explain my point of view on the matter.

M2M_K&S article (lead ph-1)

Before I continue, it’s important I eliminate any ambiguity on this subject of kissing (just in case there are readers of this Masculine Perspectives article who, for some reason aren’t yet on my plane of sensuality). You see reader, when I speak of kissing in this article, I’m referring to the slow lip-lock/mouth-on-mouth, tongue-wrestling, passionate, intimate, usually very sexual and very sensual erotic kind of kissing; what some people might commonly refer to as “french kissing”. The other kind of kissing is that which is done quickly or lightly to the lips (or on the cheeks) of one’s partner; what I’d call the “safe kiss”. Anybody and everybody – including one’s parents or cousin, or perhaps that loving friend who either did some tremendously special favor or who reappears after he hasn’t been seen in more than a decade, and anyone who has a healthy pair of lips, can give a safe kiss to someone. Safe kisses are neither sexy, sensual, nor erotic; they aren’t supposed to be. However, keep in mind that if one isn’t careful…meaning, if the person doing the safe kissing has ulterior motives, or if either (or both) the kisser and/or the kissed have romantic feelings, a safe kiss can most certainly evolve into one that’s sensual or erotic. It can and does happen. This article isn’t about “safe kissing” but about sexy, sensual, erotic kissing which can happen either as a prelude to sex, then move on to deep kissing during sex, and end as a “gesture of appreciation” to sort of cap things off after the sex with one’s partner is over.

Everybody with me, now? Kool! Let’s move on.

Kissing during sex (or even before or after sex) doesn’t necessarily have to mean anything emotional nor give any implication of a partner’s possible desire to get into some level of an emotional relationship with his or her sexual partner. M2M_K&S article_4 (GIF)Deep [french] kissing during sex simply enhances the entire sexual experience – or at least it should – and it does – for many people; provided of course that the lips of either person are healthy, aren’t chapped, and one’s breath isn’t foul. Intimate kissing of the kind discussed in this article is merely an act of psychological and implicit trust; a willful gesture of closeness made by one person towards another – even if just for the immediate moment in which that kiss happens. I mean, it’s just perfectly natural to complete or want to complete – via the mouth – the physical connection between the bodies of two (or perhaps more!) people. I believe this to be especially true if one finds that the lips of his (or her) partner look or appear very sensual. And such nice lips – provided of course they aren’t chapped or show signs of the herpes simplex virus (Ewww!), should be able to do more than just suck dick, eat ass, or eat pussy. Right?

In the more than forty years of my sexually active life, I’ve either had full, all-out sex or had done something sexual with men and with women. I’ve never been with any girl (in my teen years) nor with any woman (in my adult years) who didn’t kiss during sex. However, I have been with a few guys who did not kiss during sex. Mind you, it wasn’t just me they didn’t or wouldn’t kiss but those particular guys told me that they didn’t/wouldn’t kiss any guy who they were with. Those particular male partners who had refused to kiss – especially during sex (and who by the way, happened to vary in sexual orientation), would often give the following crazy-ass reasons for not kissing another man:

  • “Kissing [another man] is too intimate”;
  • Kissing [another man] isn’t manly (nor masculine)”;
  • “Two guys kissing each other isn’t natural.”

M2M_K&S article_1a (GIF)There are other reasons some men have for refusing to kiss or who reject the act of kissing another guy before/during/after sex. The three reasons listed above are those which, numerous times, either had been said to me or which I’ve often heard or read in some discussion about [gay] sex. I have a counterpoint for each of those few reasons/excuses for not kissing:

  1. Men who consider kissing another man as being “too intimate” may be ignoring the fact that engaging in fellatio, anilingus, and/or anal coitus (anal intercourse) is equally, if not certainly, a more intimate act than kissing on the lips and getting said lips/mouth into a sensual lip-lock, tongue wrestling sequence could possibly ever be.
  2. Kissing is neither a manly nor unmanly act. Kissing is neither a masculine nor a feminine characteristic nor is it a sexually identifying act. Thus, no one can either determine nor assess the level of a man’s manliness or masculinity – and certainly not that man’s sexuality or sexual orientation, simply by or simply because that man kisses another man, or if that man has been kissed by another man, or because that man desires to kiss or be kissed by another man.
    (Swap each of the references to the male gender for that of female to apply the same explanation regarding women and femininity/womanliness.)
  3. The last reason (“two guys kissing each other isn’t natural”) is funny (as in, peculiar) to me because the thinking of many in hetero society is that two human males doing anything sexual with each other – including masturbating together, isn’t considered as being “natural” either. Male readers of this blog and this article who either have masturbated with other men and/or who have had sex with other men – and who harbor neither any psychological, emotional, social, nor awkward religious guilt after that fact, already understand completely just how perfectly, wonderfully, and equally natural same-gender sexual activity actually is.

DIGRESSING: What I also have always found peculiar is how there are many straight (heterosexual) men who seem to find nothing wrong nor unnatural about two women kissing or engaging in some homosexual or homoerotic act. Go figure. Anyway, whatever hetero society considers is and/or isn’t natural – as it relates to human sexuality, is another topic altogether.

I’ve had sex with a few men who identified as straight (i.e. heterosexual) who also chose not to kiss during sex because of the reasons I gave – along with a host of others. I think one of the reasons why those particular straight men refused to kiss me (or any other male sex partner of theirs), was because they either were or may have been dating or married to a female. Fine. In such instances I have neither the time nor the inclination to help or teach such men how to deal with personal matters of conscience. Fortunately, I have been with other straight guys and other bisexual guys who did indeed kiss during sex (as well as before and after sex) than those who did not.

M2M_K&S article (lead ph-2)Over the years of my same-sex sexual experiences I must have heard or read more than my share of (what I’d consider) dumb, stupid, and even subtly racist reasons and excuses for not kissing which were given by some of the men with whom I had sex and from some men who participated in  discussions related to sex. Eventually, I had to accept the fact that there were – and are – men who simply reject the act of kissing another guy, regardless of who the man is or the when or where. I’m happy to know that although there are guys who reject kissing another guy, there are many others who only have such restrictions for random [male] sex partners and/or fuck buddies. Those same particular men do allow themselves the exception to kiss only the man (or men) whom they happen to love very much and/or with whom they happen to be in a committed relationship. I’m also happy to know all is not lost when it comes to man-to-man expressions of intimacy such as deep, sensual kissing.

CHECK IT: I may not understand nor appreciate the “I don’t kiss other men” line of thinking and attitude that some men have, but then I don’t have to understand or appreciate it. I don’t even have to respect it. I should just try to respect that man’s decision not to engage in a kiss with another man. I am after all, someone who firmly believes that when it comes to sex, any legal-aged/consenting adult should be free to do whatever sexually pleases them as long as:
(1) their actions are with other consenting adults,
(2) such actions do not harm said adults,
and that
(3) such adults know to simply and wisely avoid doing anything which does not sexually please them.

M2M_K&S article_2 (GIF)
Kissing before, during, and after sex is, has always been, and will always be an important aspect to my sensual and sexual enhancement and enjoyment. While I can respect a male sexual partner’s decision not to kiss [me] during sex, I will not work to convince, pressure, nor force him to engage in kissing. He will have to naturally feel inclined to do it. I do not have to like his decision not to kiss. However, because I want to kiss when I have sex and because I happen to value and enjoy kissing, I make it a rule to never again have sex with any dude whom I know either does not or will not kiss during sex, no matter how great that man is or may have been in bed.

– Renzo

2 thoughts on “Kissing and Sex

  1. Renzo, as usual, another outstanding and outspoken post! Thank you! I agree with you wholeheartedly. I once had a sexual hook-up (one-night stand) who wrote to me that he didn’t kiss men. I replied: No lip and tongue, no dick.

    If a man wants me to penetrate his buttocks, then he needs to give me something in return. The same hold true now that I am a sexual bottom: No lip and tongue, no ass!

    Good job, my friend! Much love, naked hugs and a gentle tug!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Excellent post. Everyone has their preferences, but those particular rationalizations sound like the effects of toxic masculinity. A lot of us men really need to examine our issues with intimacy.

    Liked by 1 person

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